30 June, 2015

Last Day of 4.0

When I was 8 weeks pregnant my husband said we were done.
I laughed at him and said whatever.
At 15 weeks I started hemorrhaging horribly and in those first few hours as we found ourselves in the ER, I cried and pleaded with God on all the reasons why I needed this baby.
The nurse couldn't find the heartbeat for awhile and I even said to God I would be perfectly fine if it was another girl, just please don't take my baby.
We finally found a faint heartbeat and I was taken by ambulance to the city ER for an ultrasound a few hours later.
As we sat with the tech and saw that our baby was perfectly fine, I timidly asked if she could see what the sex was. Josh and I were so sure it was another girl. We had prepared our hearts and minds.
The tech looked at us with a smile on her face and said, 'I know exactly what it is."

"HE isn't being shy." She said.

Josh didn't hear her at first and had to look to me for the answer.
We got our boy.
The boy we so desperately wanted.
Our retirement plan. ;)

At 22 weeks we got a phone call from one of my Dr's.
"Mrs Ramer," he said,
"We're going to need to refer you to a specialist."
"There's a good chance your baby might have down syndrome."
And then he just hung up saying that the nurse would be in touch.

And here it was again.
Even though I knew God would see us through anything, I found myself pleading to God once again.
That he wouldn't have it.
This wasn't how it was suppose to be.
We had so many things planned for our little boy.

So as the story continues and we turn over another chapter at midnight, I look back over the last 5 years and I see how much I have pleaded and prayed and begged God concerning this little boy.
It didn't stop at 8 weeks, 15, or 22 weeks.
It didn't stop in those first few months of his life when I didn't know how I was going to do it much longer and I spent many a night in tears.
And it certainly won't stop when he's 5 or 95.

God had a plan for him before he was even thought of and it's the perfect plan for just him and HE gave me the responsibility of mothering him, so I must be able to handle it.

Happy last day of the 4.0 you, Npp.