06 February, 2015

It Could Be A Blizzard Outside

First of all, I am probably going to offend close friends and family with this post.
I am probably going to start rumors with this post.
I'm probably going to cause more questions.

But I've been REALLY down lately and I just have to vent.
And by lately, I mean for years.

I hate it here.

I am not happy.

It's not the state.
It's not my marriage.
It's not my kids.
It's not the rain. (Ok maybe a little bit.)

Truthfully, I associate this state with my disease as the symptoms starting showing up RIGHT after we moved here.
I associate Cali with my husbands unhappiness and the home we hated, so it's not that I'm missing that. (ALTHOUGH I LOVED OUR CHURCH THERE!)

I haven't felt at home since South Carolina.

And it wasn't our home there.
It wasn't our yard there.
Or the sunny warm weather either.

It was the People.
The people that called us up to have bbq's and get togethers ALL the time.
The people that my husband was so happy with, I didn't have to force him to hang out.
The people that got us.
The people that grocery shopped with me.
The people that were the best neighbors.

SO yeah.
We could be living in the middle of Antarctica, but yet have people that we all enjoyed hanging out with, that ALSO enjoyed hanging out with us.

Or we could be lonely in the sun.

And I don't care if this sounds like I am begging for pity and I can hear my brother saying walk it off.

I needed to vent.

It's not where I am, it's who I'm with.

And I need "Antarctica."

Now that I am unhappy with myself for not "sucking it up,"
I will leave you with this.

I can be the greatest friend in the world, but unless they get me in return or accept my husband, it's just not going to work out. No matter how hard I try.

9 comments:

  1. I had a nice comment... Your blog ate it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'll tell you a secret-- I still need Antarctica too sometimes. The day we moved to Texas I cried myself to sleep, and did so for months afterwards. I know we are both home and being around family is nice, but the military was a whole different family that can't ever be replaced. Three years later I still get lonely (while surrounded by family) and long for South Carolina and what we had there.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Awwww, Hun!! I want to give you a big hug! I felt the same way about Massachusetts. Yeah, I hated the snow and winters there but I associate that state with a lot of negativity that happened in my life. Everything from "post Marine Corps" identity crisis, to marriage problems. We had a great church and great neighbors (our only friends), and I still never want to move back there....for as long as I live!!!!!!!! So vent away!!! I blogged a lot of "pity posts" when I was there and so unhappy.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Amen! It is hard to be happy somewhere when you don't have friends to share it with.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Amen! It is hard to be happy somewhere when you don't have friends to share it with.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I always look for the growth when I'm in "that" place. What am I supposed to learn here? It's hard to be stuck in a place that doesn't have your heart.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hugs friend! I am sending lots of love your way.

    ReplyDelete

Comments make my heart smile. :D