First of all, I am probably going to offend close friends and family with this post.
I am probably going to start rumors with this post.
I'm probably going to cause more questions.
But I've been REALLY down lately and I just have to vent.
And by lately, I mean for years.
I hate it here.
I am not happy.
It's not the state.
It's not my marriage.
It's not my kids.
It's not the rain. (Ok maybe a little bit.)
Truthfully, I associate this state with my disease as the symptoms starting showing up RIGHT after we moved here.
I associate Cali with my husbands unhappiness and the home we hated, so it's not that I'm missing that. (ALTHOUGH I LOVED OUR CHURCH THERE!)
I haven't felt at home since South Carolina.
And it wasn't our home there.
It wasn't our yard there.
Or the sunny warm weather either.
It was the People.
The people that called us up to have bbq's and get togethers ALL the time.
The people that my husband was so happy with, I didn't have to force him to hang out.
The people that got us.
The people that grocery shopped with me.
The people that were the best neighbors.
We could be living in the middle of Antarctica, but yet have people that we all enjoyed hanging out with, that ALSO enjoyed hanging out with us.
Or we could be lonely in the sun.
And I don't care if this sounds like I am begging for pity and I can hear my brother saying walk it off.
I needed to vent.
It's not where I am, it's who I'm with.
And I need "Antarctica."
Now that I am unhappy with myself for not "sucking it up,"
I will leave you with this.
I can be the greatest friend in the world, but unless they get me in return or accept my husband, it's just not going to work out. No matter how hard I try.