28 May, 2013

Can You Go Home?

As I deal with people recently, most of them expect to see a perma smile on my face.

Life must be wonderful because
J is out of the military so I don't have to worry anymore.

Life must be wonderful because
we are back "home."

Life must be wonderful because
we are close to family and friends after being away so long.

Life must be wonderful just because....

I get it.

It's what "we" wanted...

~~~~

In all fairness, I can't really answer that for everyone. I am not really back home. I haven't lived in this area since I was 18 months old. My hometown is still 4 hours away.

I feel like we just PCS'd again, (military move.)

I feel like we just moved to a new town (that we happen to know our way around,) and are having to start over meeting new people, (I'll explain more about that later,)  finding a new church and adjusting to a new (old?) climate.

Except we don't have a house.
Or an income
Or health insurance.
And it's been months.

I've had to watch my stronghold, my rock, break down to his weakest point and question his decision altogether with tears in his eyes.

I feel farther away from home than I've ever been.

And there is no end in sight.

So maybe the question should be: Can I go home?

I don't think I'm meant to....

5 comments:

  1. Change is hard. Hang in there. Xoxo

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  2. Still praying for you guys and your transition!

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  3. I think the hardest thing for a wife is to see her husband when he's weak. Hoping things start looking up soon, and if not as soon as you want...just keep faith that there are plans for you already set in place.

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  4. I love your last two lines.
    No, you can't. And you're not meant to. Keep crying out to, and trusting the One who holds you in His care. He will lead you and give strength for each day. Yep, only each day, when we'd so love to have for tomorrow and next week as well.

    I can't help but think that something very important and very precious is being formed in you right now...in you, in your husband, in your marriage, in your family. Press on...tears fall, but press on.

    Hugs to you!

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Comments make my heart smile. :D