15 June, 2012

Am I the kind of wife that makes my husband the best Dad around??


I saw this photo being passed around on facebook this morning and immediately broke down crying:


I knew it was time to share what has been going on in my/our life and to share my feelings on what could be a touchy subject even if it steps on some toes or burns some bridges.

A week and a half a go during a tough emotional discussion with my husband, I broke down and said I just can't be a Marine wife right now.
I can no longer share you with the Marine Corps and this nasty regiment.
I need YOU.
Unfortunately as all of us military wives out there know, that line was pretty much pointless as there is nothing that my husband can do as long as he is under contract to our United States Government; but this is where the other points come in.....

About 6 months ago, I made the decision that I was going to start getting our family back in line when it came to putting God first. Usually when you make decisions like that, Satan will do his best to stop that from happening, and this case was no exception.
To make a long story short, I am now being treated for anxiety, depression, severe headaches, and high blood pressure. All stuff I've dealt with in the past, but at smaller levels and different times.
In the last two months, I have been put on multiple strong medications that have made me dizzy, severely tired, bi-polar, disoriented, made it difficult to put the simplest of sentences together and when I was hit with a simple cold, has not allowed my body to fight it off.
When we were given the news that J was leaving for only 2 and half weeks, (which normally in a military lifestyle would be a breeze,) I was livid. I am not even safe to be driving. The regiment pretty much made it clear that in less I was in the hospital, they could care less about my health issues and that J would still be going. (For those that haven't followed my blog awhile, my hubby is former air-wing, and his current unit has hated him since day one.)

So for the first time in my husband's career, I am really struggling. Struggling with the fact that, I as I military wife, am suppose to be stronger than the normal wife and be there for my husband whenever he or the MC needs it. Struggling with the fact that I just can't seem to get it right as a child of God.
Struggling with the fact that I seem too "religious" for military people and to "worldly" for church people to find friends...
Struggling with the fact that I just can't seem to be the wife and mom my husband and kids need.

And the real biggie: The one that might burn some bridges:

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY CHURCHES PUT MORE INTO MISSIONARIES THAN THEY DO MILITARY FAMILIES.

There I said it.
And I don't mean money, because I know home churches are the only way missionaries get an income and us as military have health insurance, a roof over our heads, and a steady income.
But that's not what I'm talking about.
Sometimes I feel the only support we get is on Memorial Day and Veteran's Day. It's like when we join the military or a marry a military person we are just moving away.

Yes my old home church, I am asking for prayer from you. I spent 20 years of life investing in you.  Why is it no one sends me/us emails asking if we need prayer?

I am also asking that in the future if one of your flock chooses to go off and fight for our country or marries someone that does. Keep them involved.....
They need it. They need to know people back home still care and are praying. They need to know someone else is still strong for them even when they can't be anymore....

I'm done crying and believing no one cares...
I need to laugh at the days to come again.....


**I've turned comments off for this post, but if you have something to say please do feel free to email me.