21 May, 2012

When God's answer is....

....Silence.
~
And when God's best medicine is a taste of your own.....

I have no patience what-so-ever, and it is ever so hard for me to wait on God's timing.
Mostly because I don't know if His silence means I am suppose to take a step of faith on my own or wait until the last second possible for Him to make His move or show us the way.

We're praying about some serious to us issues right now and it seems like there is absolutely NO indication about what direction to go. So we wait.
Haha.

Sigh

Yeah I know. People have serious life threatening issues going on and I'm complaining about this.
I'm cool.
You'd think after being a Marine wife for 7 and a half years I'd have this down.....yeah not so much.

I actually can't complain too much about one part though. God did say no about two things we were praying about the last two weeks. One was for fun, so I was sad when we couldn't do it but such is life. The other was concerning hubby's job that would have saved us some $$, but none the less God closed the doors, and I'm ok with that. They were answers. Next.

And the bitter medicine I had to swallow over the weekend:
You remember THIS post I did last week about not judging other mother's?? Yeah well I had a bad attitude develop last week, (mixed in with a bit of anger and down in the dump issues,) and it was just a lot easier to start judging anyone and everyone to make myself feel better...
Absolutely everything everyone was saying on facebook, in blogs, or doing in general was pissing me off annoying me.
Now luckily I kept it all to myself, but the last time I checked, God knows what's in our hearts and He sure wasn't liking the blackness that was swirling in mine.
By Friday I was at a boiling over point and was looking forward to the weekend. I got a text from my husband saying he was going to be let out early and that put me in such a good mood I went upstairs and scrubbed our shower. When I came back down, I discovered another text asking if he could go golfing. My first thought was immediate annoyance, but my husband NEVER does anything for fun outside of the house with anyone else, so I was like ok, what's a few more hours, it will just be like the rest of the work day...
Well,
My husband got home at 8pm Friday night. Yeah, can you imagine with the mood you already knew I was in, how well that went over??
I didn't even take it out on him though. I spent the last 2 hours before he got home balling my eyes out about my attitude over the week and then crying some more over how I hated my attitude. It was one ugly mess.
Needless to say I limited my use of fb and blog usage A LOT this past weekend and even though I am still feeling down about a few things that I am hoping to touch on later, I feeling a little bit better. Anger and grumpiness will get you no where!!

So here I am pouring my heart out to you, or being honest, or maybe just complaining I'm not sure, but I just don't like being fake anymore.
Honesty and realness is the new in.
Life is hard sometimes and it just always seems greener somewhere else.
And even though happiness is a choice and even though some people may seem like they have it all together, they are having their own battles inside.

**On a side note, if one has to take meds to counter-act side effects of a prescription medication they are on, is it really worth it???? These are driving me crazy people!!



"We may have NO idea what's around that bend, but just hold my hand and we'll 
live this adventure together!"

4 comments:

  1. I've felt the same way as you lately. I had to take a break from my blog and FB because I was just in a mood. I think it has to do with the amount of craziness going on at home so I hope it eases up soon! The last week has been nice though, so I'm not sure I really want to go back to FB!! :)

    I hope this week is better for you and that your prayers are answered soon! I know that wait is hard, but it's all in His hands!

    By the way, your kids are adorable!! Love the photos on your sidebar :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Maarcella, I appreciate your honesty--it helps me to know how to pray for you. Your blogs remind me of King David in the Psalms, who even though he sinned, he was 'tagged' a man after God's heart, because, even though he complained alot, and displayed bitterness sometimes, yet he always trusted God, no matter what. Love Dad

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love when people are real in their posts! We are human and we just feel this way sometimes! I've been feeling this way a lot myself, too. I think it is very admirable that you all confide in God for all your decisions and that if he says "no," you are willing go accept it. Sometimes I get frustrated when I do that and there seems to be silence and I don't know what to do. And then I have to wonder if I am just not paying attention and missing something!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I thought I was the only emotional wife out there! jk-- but seriously-- I feel like I could have written this blog. haha. I have experienced so many of those emotions... well all of them really.

    My only way to deal with the stressors during the day has become morning time with the Lord and a good work out most days.

    It's so easy to take things out on the hubby too-- jeeze-- sometimes I just think, "why do you not understand how I'm feeling?!"... heck, half the time I dont even understand. Hang in there girl-- you are smart by stopping to analyze yourself... so many times, I just blame those around me!

    ~annie

    ReplyDelete

Comments make my heart smile. :D