12 May, 2012

Then there were NO more

*Note: I have honestly been wanting to write this post for months, but have just not been able to get past the base subject. It's something that's very important to me, but I just haven't been able to word it right without it seeming like I'm trying to get on anyone's case or give away too much of our personal information. I feel like by sharing what's on my mind I'm almost being a hypocrite in some way....
 But what I'm about to share has a lot to do with motherhood and I think it's a great finish for this week.
Ok now that I've totally confused you and and maybe somewhat peeked your interest, here is the final installment of my Mother's Day Series 2012:
What is the perfect number of children?
What's the perfect size family?
Is it the size family YOU have?      Is it how many kids YOU have?

Raise your hand if you have EVER, yes EVER, judged anyone for the amount of kids they have, (whether it be 1 or 19 {yes I just said 19 ahem,} even 0,)

"insert me raising hand"

Ok, now raise your hand if you've EVER judged how another mom raised her child, (disposables/cloth, breastfed/formula, tv/no tv, public school/homeschool, etc)...

"insert me raising my hand again"

If none of you raised your hand, I invite you to just x out of this window. You are just too awesomely perfect and I don't think you can handle my imperfectness any longer. My stupidity will just bring you down. I hope that one day, I can be that cool!
Why do we do that? 
Why do we say that the way we do things is right and everyone else is wrong?  
I know the main reason is to make ourselves feel better about our imperfections, but we should be supporting each other not bringing each other down. Just because I am able to breastfeed my babies until they are a year, does not mean my neighbor is able to. That does not make her wrong. Just because I choose to put disposables on my babies does not mean I need to burn in hell....
What really brought this on was the very first question I asked you. 
I have a few readers that need more than one hand to count their kids. ;)
I think that is awesome. I used to want ten kids. No joke. I wanted a house full of blessings and there was never going to be a dull moment. 
Those families are constantly getting judged by people that think there is a certain right amount of kids to have. 
They hear it all: Are you done yet? Are those all yours? You do know what causes that right? And SO much more.
Come ON, Are you serious people? Is it any of YOUR business? Also quit judging The Duggar family. Do you know most Americans think that they are on welfare and that everyone is having to pay for all the kids they have. These people are 100% self sufficient and pay their taxes. They are teaching their kids to be the same and already several of their older kids are in business for themselves.

But lastly, there is another side to this.
Families with only one or two kids get it also and often.
When are you going to have more? You are done, oh just have more! 
But what it you lose one? (cuz some how magically having another child would replace the one lost. Yes that's asked folks, people are thoughtless.)
But you make them so cute.
Well that's just being selfish for "insert name here," they need a sibling.
All the while, not realizing that some people might not be stopping because they want to, but might be stopping because of medical reasons or they can't have more.

Luckily, we don't fall in that last sentence. God blessed us with two very healthy children and even though in the past we originally wanted more, life had a way of changing things and a year and a half ago we made the decision that Monkey would be our last one, so we went the surgical direction of permanently making that happen. 
I don't regret it one bit and I know I will be the best Mommy I can be to my two. Some day down the road if God opens the door, I would love to be able to maybe make room for a child or two who unfortunately didn't have the joy of being born to a mommy that loved them or loved them enough that knew that they were better off being raised by someone else.
Who knows what God has planned!
Mom's are mom's no matter how many kids they have, how they choose to feed them, cloth them, school them or raise them. If they choose to stay at home with them or go to work. If they brought them into this world through their womb or through many years of prayers, tears and a lot of money.
I for one, don't always agree with everything my neighbors do, but who am I to judge them? What kind of character does that show?
What kind of example is that?

Happy Mother's Day to EVERY women out there! 
I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

4 comments:

  1. It's unfortunate that people pry or push about people's reproductive choices. My husband and I don't have kids and people always want to know when we will, if we're trying, and so on (and sometimes those people are upset when we say we're not going to have any). But then people who already have kids get the questions too. Some of my friends got pestered when they'd give their kid a sibling. Now that they have three kids people get in their business about when they will stop. We all have our choices to make and our paths to follow and should be able to do so.

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  2. I'm not a mother yet but I completely agree with you here! And yes we are all guilty of judgement. Great post!

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  3. Thank you so much for being open and honest about this! I love the card in the middle about having a self-esteem issue but also thinking you're better than everyone else. This is probably pretty close to every woman! Anyway, I, too, used to want at least three or four kids, but we have decided to stop at two. Two beautiful, healthy children who deserve all the love and attention they can get. Some women are cut out to have lots of kids, and I am definitely not one of them! We have not, however done anything permanent yet (it is scheduled soon!!), so who knows what God has in store for us!!

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Comments make my heart smile. :D