01 June, 2011

11 months and counting

**WARNING: long post.**

Our son is 11 months old today.
We only have 4 and half short weeks until we hit the momentous milestone that is 1!

I have debated writing this post that I am about to share with you for a few reasons. I have feared that some may take it the wrong way and not fully understand what I am trying to say, or even look down on me.
But then I realized that it might actually give someone out there struggling with the same thing, some hope or some comfort that they are not alone.

My pregnancy with Monkey was a tough one. Not only physically, but very emotionally. You can read some of the physical trials HERE and HERE.
Not only that, in the middle of my pregnancy is when we moved and arrived here only to find majorly negative living and command circumstances.
I was on bed rest for most of the end of the pregnancy. I had 3-4 appointments a week at the hospital the last 6 weeks and my husband was gone hit and miss for all of it, leaving me with an active 2 yr old.
All of this to tell you, I naively thought that maybe, just maybe because the pregnancy was tough, the baby raising would be a breeze.

Obviously, God thought I needed to be on my knees more in my life than I had ever been.

My son ate well immediately after he was born, just like his sister. But this time it was different.
He spit it all up. Again
and Again
and Again.
The doctors and nurses said it was probably because he had just swallowed a tad bit of fluid or something and it was coming up.
He seemed relatively content though and slept well, so even though I felt something was wrong, I listened to the people that seemed to know what they were talking about and tried to ignore it.
For the next two weeks, all he did was spit up "gallons" of spit up every feeding...how do you ignore that?
The next excuse by the medical profession:
He was back to an ounce over birth weight at his two week check up, so just ignore the spitting up.

But that's when it went south. After 2 weeks of doing nothing but, eating, spitting up and sleeping; the crying started.

Now on a quick bunny trail. I've dealt with a LOT of kids. Nannying, babysitting, child cares, day cares, you name it.
Not one has ever cried as much as our son did.

He cried and cried and cried.

Next medical professional excuse: Its probably colic....

He only had a bowel movement once every 2 weeks, sometimes once a week. He still continued to spit up constantly. I couldn't nurse him to stop the crying because it made him spit up more. I changed everything about my diet, we tried formula, anything just to give him (us) some relief, but nothing helped.
His pediatrician ignored my pleas for something to help.
And the crying continued.

Him and me.

My husband felt helpless, and really had trouble bonding with him because of the crying and the spitting up. So it was just up to me to walk the floors and keep a burp rag under his chin.

I don't even know how to fully portray those months to you. How many times I cried out to God asking Him to just "stop him from crying."
Just thinking about those tough days and especially nights makes me cry.

Everyone that I shared this with, just kept saying this too shall pass, but its always a lot easier to say that to someone when you aren't in the middle of it.
My mom would call on the phone and he would be screaming and she just couldn't fathom it.

We wanted this child,
we prayed for this child,
But I will honestly tell you, I was so worn out and tired of the endless crying and spitting up, every night I just told God I couldn't do it anymore.

Which brings me to now. Well we obviously made it. God did not give me more than I could handle even though I would have argued that to no end while I was in the middle of the storm.

Things we learned:
He had an umbilical hernia on top of everything else.
He should have been on medication for his reflux, but I was told by so many people at the beginning and his younger months that he was fine.
His pediatrician was new and didn't look into it.
When he started eating baby food, he all of a sudden started having regular bowel movements and the spitting up got better.
When he was 7 months, he cut his first tooth and started being a little happier with slightly less crying.
As he got more mobile, my husband was able to finally start bonding with him, which gave me a little bit of free time.

Where we are today:
He still cries more than any 11 month old I have dealt with, but it is usually just because he is not happy in less he is eating
He still occasionally spits up, but it more like spit up and not gallons of fluid pouring out.
He is still VERY attached to me and since his Daddy is gone it is worse. I am back to crying in the evenings again, because of his insane attachment to me and his whining and crying in less I am giving him full attention. But that's not really his fault! ;)

And to give you another confession, even though the worst is behind me, I still have pangs of jealously when anyone has a new baby and they say its the happiest baby ever.
Is this right? Of course not, and its something I have to work through.
But we did survive and I hope to be an encouragement to anyone that has to go through this in the future and keep them well informed. Not only that, but to push harder if they feel in their gut that something is wrong and their child's pediatrician isn't listening.

I really hope at some point I can help someone going through this. I could have never imagined what exactly someone went through in less it happened to us. And even when I try to explain it to others, they think I am exaggerating.  That is the frustrating part.
Just imagine the worst case of colic, but it lasts for 6/7 months??

So here we have my little guy, who when he is happy, is quite a character. Loves being naughty, loves his sister, loves to look at the picture of his Daddy on the computer and most of all, LOVES food!

Even at the lowest point, I would have done anything for him!

 And just for good measure: ;)


  1. I have to say, Marcella, you are a much stronger person than I. I guess the only comfort is that the clock does keep ticking with time passing on. Your little guy is healthy and will continue to mature. I am extremely grateful that you, yourself are raising your children and they are not in some daycare. A crying baby in a daycare would never have been given the love that only you, his mother could give. I love you all so very much.


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